My second ER trip and new ED problems

January 23, 2008 at 1:26 am (Eating Disorder, Health, Rants) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Yesterday I went in for a follow up at the doctor’s office. My pain had gotten worse, my left kidney had started hurting bad, and I was severely dehydrated. Guess what? I get sent BACK to the ER. Only three days after going there initially. The doctor had run the usual tests (needle hole three in my right arm) and I came up showing infection in my blood lab and blood and infection in my urine. So over to the emergency room she sends me. I had the quickest triage interview ever before they took me back to a tiny little room. Kenny was with me and I knew he wouldn’t be happy spending the better part of the day sitting around, but that’s what he gets for having a very unhealthy girlfriend. They immediately start IV fluids, which always sucks. But I’m used to needles. Anyway, they take their own specimens and send me over for a CT. Apparently I had crystals in my urine when I was there Friday (which they neglected to mention because the UTI was the bigger concern) but this time my urine there was fine, although it had been really bad only a few hours earlier. The only thing was ketones, which is nothing new for me. Anyway, my CT was clean (they wanted to check for kidney stones because of the pain and crystals in the urine) so they basically didn’t know what to tell me except to keep taking the antibiotics. And drink lots of fluids, even if they make me sick. I’ve been using the laxatives since Friday (doctor’s recommendation) and I’m concerned that could become problematic with the eating disorder. I know they only cause loss of water weight, but it’s not that. It’s that empty feeling they give me. And I know I’m hurting myself. I’m not sure how to explain it. It’s like with the diet pills. I know they’re both unhealthy and don’t work, but it’s all mental. Good thing I see the therapist later. Because I’m not doing too well. Hopefully my kidney infection will clear up, I won’t actually have kidney stones, and I’ll be able to stop the laxxies before I mess myself up even more.

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My body feels like it’s falling apart.

October 11, 2007 at 5:54 am (Eating Disorder, Happiness, Health) (, , , , , , , , )

So I finally got over that flu. And when I went to the doctor for my latest follow-up, she gave me more antibiotics for my sinus infection, which I don’t think will ever go away. I’ve taken so many antibiotics just the past three months… And they always really mess up my system. So of course my eating hasn’t been too great. And I finally decided to pull out the diet pills again, because I just can’t stop thinking about them. It’s funny how my attitude on that has changed so much. I don’t care whether they work or not, it’s just a comfort. A mental comfort to me. My way of not purging. Anyway, I had stopped taking them for a while because I got scared when I had a seizure. Of course I haven’t told anybody the reason for it, and I’m really really really scared something’s major wrong with my heart. A couple weeks ago, I really thought I was having an actual heart attack. I finally managed I think to go to sleep or something, maybe I passed out, but whatever it was, I don’t think it was good. And I haven’t been quite right since then. But I finally had to give in to the temptation, even though I know it’s killing me. Even though I know starvation sucks. Even though I know it’s going to cost me what little I have left. I dunno, one day I’ll finally get the recovery thing right or die trying. Not to worry, I’m rooting for the recovery personally! I guess right now I’m just not ready. I’ll keep working at it again, and try when I actually feel in a good way, because I don’t think I can handle another relapse. In the mean time, I’ll just keep doing what I can to minimize the damage, I guess. Vitamins help. I finally went out and bought more, and I’m already noticing a little less bruising, a little more energy… Hopefully my next labs will reflect at least minimal improvement.

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